Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
