maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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