hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
