We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize