I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
