I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
