So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
