I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
