the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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