I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
