She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
