My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
