from now on my penis is your penis
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
