i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
