I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize