He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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