All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
