C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Never joke about your clitoris.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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