I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Enjoy the penises
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
