Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
