So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
