I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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