i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have aggressive nipples.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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