i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drunk walkin through police station. America
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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