The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
