I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I skipped work to stalk him.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
