I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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