Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
