and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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