If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
