the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A bitchslap is in order.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
