he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
