I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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