i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
