Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
