It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
