Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize