We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
