I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
