my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
