I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
