His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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