I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
