hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
