she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
