so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
