He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
