I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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