yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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