dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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