As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
