Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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