I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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