Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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