just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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