I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
