dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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