i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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