Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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