She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
