I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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